My theory on why I drop way more coffees than anyone else

There are probably only three things that every person should know when they meet me. One: I'm overly cynical, so don't take me seriously. Two: My metaphorical "exoskeleton" is made of jello. The things you say will hurt me. And three: I drop iced coffees like they are delicious ice cold grenades (meaning a lot).

Upon getting to know me, you will absolutely make fun of me for this at least once. Probably more. And I'm okay with that. Despite the fact that I am am incredibly oversensitive, I can take a joke. I grew up with three brothers that made me the item of their cruelty for fifteen years. The thing that bothers me about this is the fact that I just wasted an amazing iced coffee.

But the point is, I have to stand up for myself. It's gotten to the point where I cannot talk about, drink, or even think about drinking an iced coffee without someone warning me not to drop it. In order to defend my honor as a New Englander (who's obsessed with coffee) I have crunched some numbers and figured out that I am not actually any clumsier with my coffee than the average Joe (no pun intended).

When you consider that the number of iced coffees that I drink is exponentially higher than the average person's, the number of coffees dropped doesn't seem so high in comparison. The percentages are THE SAME.

So maybe this is all false and a way to justify my clumsiness...