Happy Birthday Mom... sorry I killed your dog.

Just brought my dogs to Dexter Drumlin, which is a big field in Lancaster donated to the town especially for dogs. You don't have to leash dogs there so my wild and crazy Jane gets to run free. It's pretty much the only thing that will tire her out for a few minutes (running at full speed for 15 minutes straight). And then of course on the way back I got myself an iced coffee. I'll update later on whether or not I spill it.

But while I was walking around the back side of the hill at Dexter today, I saw a random glove with some dog treats on it in the middle of the grass. Of course Beau ran over to them and started inhaling them before I could say "LEAVE ITTT!!!" I started panicking. Who leaves random treats in the middle of a field? What if they're poisoned? Oh shit my mom is going to killlll me if I poisoned her dog the day before her birthday! I started having daymares (Nightmares during the day? Why the hell not?) about us having to call poison control and them saying that they don't cover dogs and then having to go to the vet and how much of a pain in the ass that would be because we still haven't found a vet out near our new house and that we still see Metrowest Vet in Milford. We should probably get on that......

So I kept walking, panicking about some evil poisoned-treat leaving maniac who poisoned my mom's dog the day before her birthday. I figured I'd call her and explain the situation and ask her if I should bring Beau to the vet. And not once during this panic walk did I think "Hey, there are a lot of loose dogs that come through here... maybe I should go pick up the random sketch treats so some other owner doesn't have to go through this..." But no, I'm not that intelligent.

If the walk back to my car was a movie, there would have been some really dramatic music playing. And the path in the field would have gotten realllllly long, like hallways always do in scary movies. And then I'd start walking faster and faster until finally I was forced to break into a run, carrying my mom's dog in my arms. My voice would break into the epic musical montage as I whispered words of encouragement to the sickly dog.

"Hang in there Beau! Don't give up on me now! Don't let the random sketch treats win!"

A single tear would trace its way down my cheek..

And this is where I explain what actually happened.

As I approached the road where my car was parked, I saw this lady with a Springer Spaniel puppy hooked up to a really fucking long leash. My boisterous dogs bounded over to the puppy, greeting her in the only way they know how. Janie barked really loud and ran around the puppy like the crack-head she is. Beau laid down in front of the puppy and stared at her without blinking.

The puppy's owner freaked out "Are they friendly???!!!" She yelled over to me in a voice of shear panic.

This is what I wanted to say to that: "No. They're vicious. I let them off the leash in public so that they will rip people and their puppies apart so that I can point and laugh at the mangled pieces of their bodies."

This is what I actually said: "Yes, I wouldn't let them off leash if they weren't." Stupid people make me angry. And this woman got even worse.

Stupid Lady: "They didn't eat any treats did they?"
Me: "What?
Stupid Lady: "I set some tracking points for my puppy, a couple gloves with treats for her to find on the ground."
This is when I stopped panicking and got angry that someone would be so stupid to leave treats on the ground of a dog park and expect them not to get eaten when people bring their dogs off leash to this place all the time.
Me: I didn't see any of them... I don't think they ate any treats...
Stupid Lady: Oh okay, you would have seen them if they ate them.
(Obviously Stupid Lady forgot that my dogs weren't on the leash and that they were running free and that I wasn't watching every little thing that they touched on the ground because they run like maniacs and I couldn't possibly see everything.)
At this point I walked away. Stupid Lady was annoying me. And I was extremely relaxed now that I knew I hadn't poisoned my mom's dog the day before her birthday. 

Beau- Mom's almost poisoned, stares a lot dog

Janie- My crack-head dog